Monday, September 6, 2010

The Power & Purpose of Your ‘Natural No’

by Lissa Boles

What’s one of the first words kids learn to say and use (often!)?

It’s ‘NO,’ right? 

Doesn’t matter what country we live in or what language we first learn, every child everywhere begins exploring their world able to tap into their natural, inner sense of NO.

In fact, most kids delight in saying NO, don’t they?

That’s because our ‘Natural No’ is there as one of our inner compass points.  It’s a primary source of our power and voice, guiding us away from what’s not best for us.

Saying it often when we’re young is how we begin to learn to hear ourselves, not to mention learning to exercise our voice and our power. 

Sadly, we learn - often and early - that saying ‘NO’ isn’t allowed, and loose touch with ourselves.

We learn to get along.

Be polite. Nice. 

How to do the right thing…

All this is done with the very best of intentions, mind you. Can you imagine a child who never learns limits or boundaries?

Thing is we’re only now coming to realize that in teaching ourselves how to get along with others we’re never really known how to show ourselves the way to stay in touch with our true selves in the process.

But there’s good news!  To reclaim your inner sense of your right direction, all you have to begin is plug yourself back into your Natural NO and practice using it, much like you did when you were a kid.

Now, here’s a minor caveat: plugging back in after all this time may feel a little odd at first.

A little counterintuitive - even a little risky. 

Remember that you don’t have to act on what your Natural NO says unless you want to: all you have to do is practice tapping in and learning how to hear what is has to tell you and go from there.

Uncomfortable though it may feel at times, your voice, personal power and clarity of purpose – not to mention the ability to stay on course - is on the other side of that discomfort, so give it a shot.

How To Plug Back In

Here’s the Top 10 Questions that’ll go a long way toward helping you plug back in and feel out the shades and nuances of guidance inside your Natural NO.

Answering them one by one will help you learn how it feels as your Natural NO talks to you.
They’ll also help you feel out the layers of meaning and information inside your NO, so you know why, how much and in what ways something or someone is a NO for you.

When you first start plugging back it, practicing’s with the past is much easier than diving into a high-emotion, in-the-moment experience first: there’s just less pressure. 

So begin by reviewing situations that were unhappy, hurtful or really dissatisfying to you.

When the details of the situation you’re working with are clear to you, let yourself feel again all the feelings you felt then (sucks, I know, but there’s purpose it in – inside those feelings are the answers and direction you’re looking for).

One by one, answer the questions below in writing, letting your inner kid – the unadulterated you you were before being socialized and the keeper of your Natural No – answer them. 

Just two rules: no censoring your answers. And judging yourself for how you naturally feel.

Just let the raw, natural response come through.

You’ll likely hear or feel simple, very clear and very direct answers.

Your answers might even be snippy, bratty or smartass.

(I myself am particularly fond of smartass – they make feeling crappy oddly enjoyable).

If that’s the case, just know it’s totally okay.

The objective here isn’t politeness but simple honesty. This inner part of you knows exactly how you feel about things - and why.  And she’s far less concerned with being polite than with you being who you really are in the company of people who respect, appreciate and want you to be the best you you can be – happy, fulfilled and fully alive.

She also knows that your ‘NO’ can go through the ‘polite’ filter later: what she wants first is for you to know what’s most true for you so you can make the best decision possible for you.

More than anything, she wants you to be in the right place, living the right life, with the right people because she knows that that’s what will make you the most happy, fulfilled and fully alive.

And who doesn’t want more of that, right?


The Top 10 Questions To  Plug Back Into Your Natural NO

  1. I hate these people because they can’t see that I…

  1. I’d be so much more comfortable around people who don’t…

  1. It’s so frustrating that these people expect me to be…

  1. Compared to everyone here, I’m much more…

  1. I don’t fit in this situation, in this place, with these people, because I am not…

  1. If I were in my right environment, with people like me, everyone would realize that I’m…

  1. This situation is way, way too…

  1. I can’t wait to get away from people who…

  1. I want to scream in this situation because…

  1. I’m so angry because no one here wants to let me…

Lissa Boles, is a Master Life-Purpose Coach and former broadcast talk-radio host on CKDO in Toronto. Our mid-life sista practices a kooky-cool next-evolution of astrology called Soul Mapping. To learn more about Lissa or about Soul Mapping, you can visit, or become part of the Soul Map community by becoming 'a fan'

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